I Walk in the Darkness
by Fate Hedgehog
Summary: A poem I wrote from Matt's POV. I was thinking of the episode entitled 'The Crest of Friendship' when I wrote this. Please R&R.


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I Walk in the Darkness

[Fate Hedgehog][1]

They say what doesn't kill you makes you stronger,

As much as I'd like to believe

I can't say the same thing goes for me, the lowly

As far as I can perceive.

* * *

They say that darkness only represents evil

I have something for them to tell:

That isn't only speculation as they say it is

From having drowned or fell.

* * *

Take myself for example, I walk in the darkness

Although I try to do what's right

Sentiment and fear clouds my judgement

And that's gotten me into many a fight.

* * *

I struggle my way alone through life

A loner, that's what I am.

I can't stand others always breathing down my neck

Do I fear them of a scam?

* * *

I push aside others who tell me that they care

And more than once have listened to lies

Of evils and monsters who's only home they have

Is within my sorrow and my cries.

* * *

Yet still the friends those fiends who torment me

Say that don't truly exist crowd 'round

To help me get through this life the best way I can.

Their generosity makes me feel down.

* * *

For, I don't know how to draw them nearer

I hate to tell about my life

To even my parents or relatives who ask quizzically

About my internal struggles and strife.

* * *

I have a little brother whom I devote to watch over

And even here its simple to understand

That because I can't control my personality and sociability

I drive him further back, away from my hand.

* * *

I try to make sure everything so fair for him

And that nothing should ever harm

But as I don't know to what limits to control myself

I'm an infestation beyond any possible swarm.

* * *

And then we have our 'fearless' leader

Our rougher who's name is Tai

And as much as I try to emerge from even his shadow

The only thing I can do is aimlessly try.

* * *

I can never become he whom he has

Who has understood his faults

And over that brick divider that keeps friends separated

He miraculously can vault.

* * *

The only one I think I know who really loves me

Is the a girl named Sora, but even there

I show how I don't know how to be nice nor even be mean

By just turning away with empty stare.

* * *

Over the time, her Crest known as love

Has gotten us very far, it's true

And when it shines in all its brilliance

You can almost feel her love shining too

* * *

But never when it has glowed in my presence

Whether in battle or on its own

I have never felt anything warming or calming about it

Like to me only it has no love to lone.

* * *

And there's another girl named Mimi,

A ditzy girl, in a very charming sort:

I think she likes me in the same way too

But then I don't have the heart.

* * *

She might appear slow to catch this on at first

But then it might also be expectation

That one day that I will find myself like I've hoped for long

And take her invitation.

* * *

But I am far more pessimistic about my life

And if ever in that way should have felt

I know that it would just make BOTH of our lives worse

And I'd never forgive myself.

* * *

What do I kid my life for now?

I know I'll never forgive myself for what I've done:

I'm hurt many, many other emotionally terribly

And ruined many more times of what would've been fun.

* * *

"Fun". And yet I have another

Concept that I don't even know there.

When at night we'd exchange stories and secrets

I stay long away and unaware.

* * *

I'd stay gone for long meters away

Sulking miserably in the depths of my own wake

Listen to my mind blame my heart blame my soul for everything

And play my harmonica besides some depressing lake.

* * *

They also say that everyone has emotions

That no one's truly made of stone.

As much as I'd like to believe this, oh yes I would

It only makes me more sick for a home.

* * *

I don't know how to say it truly,

"I have no emotions that I can depend"

For I don't want to depress myself any further

But the truth I can not bend.

* * *

I recall one event most likely,

The first one that has been imprinted as a curse

When we were back in our own world

To find the ninth child before anything got worse.

* * *

Tai had just left me with his sister Kari,

A cutie little sister just like my brother TK

And we've just been talking for a bit now

And then my non-emotions started calamity away.

* * *

She had asked really hopeful

Whether her brother who was gone would be alright?

He was out fighting against odds and being the hero.

Oh, if then and there had I only come to see the light.

* * *

But as it was, I should've given her an optimistic answer

A reply to brighten-up her question's demeanor

I had to blurt out uncontrollably whatever I was thinking, "Tai was a fool to do this"

And that struck her down as if it were more than just a slur.

* * *

She burst out into tears crying

And did little of nothing to help her at all

All I did was stand there in indifference

As I had to listen through her bawl.

* * *

But it was what my companions said to me next

That really riled me and imprint forever

"Matt, have you no feelings at all!?"

And even now I have no endeavor.

* * *

I think I was put on this Earth as a sham incarnate

A joke to which the gods can laugh

And sometimes think that ending it would be better for everybody

But I know that for others, it would make them sad.

* * *

And then I'd become a fanatic

Having broken its first rule

And then I'd just make their lives worse and then worse again

By admitting to my life: I am cruel

* * *

Destiny has a way for everybody

But it does not have anything for me

For no matter what I do to try and help out anybody

I just hurt them more. So now you see.

* * *

I walk among the darkness;

I don't know how to do what's right;

I'm alive for no reason in particular.

Oh dear God, may this please be my last night!

Yeah, I know I sound kind'a sad and sometimes slightly suicidal with what I write. If anyone would like me to try one that's actually on a 'happy' level from start to finish, feel free to just ask. -- Fate --

__

[Legal Mumbo-Jumbo: I don't own Digimon, I never did and I never will. Although, that doesn't mean I don't want to…]

   [1]: fate445687@aol.com



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